How Anxiety Made Me Calm

Since speaking out about my anxiety on Instagram, I have had so much support from strangers, family and friends about everything and it has given me some of my confidence back. Now that people know, they won't think I'm such a freak if I suddenly need to sit down right? It also meant I gathered advice and other information to help me through from everyone else, tips and tricks they had picked up themselves whilst I also shared mine. But in a strange way, having this awful thing in my head constantly has been affecting my family, friendships and any attempt at a relationship I may have. I've always always been a strong person and fought down until my last fingernail for things but this feeling has really got to me. But everything happens for a reason and I believe I have worked out why.

My reactions to situations have changed for the better,

If things would arise in the past that made me angry or upset, I would be so full of hate and resentment that I would blame the world, or myself, or anyone really just to release that anger and put it somewhere. Words and things I would never dream of normally saying would be thrust upon whoever upset me. But recently I have noticed that the more I get angry and worked up, the more it sets off my anxiety and gives me panic attacks. Obviously some things make me so upset it's not possible to not get upset or panicky, that's a natural feeling. But keeping these to a minimum and not making situations worse is what I'm concentrating on now. I prefer to keep a level head and go through the way I want to respond to something and what the outcome of each response is. Then work out the best way to deal with it. But even sometimes when you do nothing wrong, everything can still go wrong around you, but knowing you did your best will ensure it's not provoked.

Working through things doesn't require anger,

Some of the time, it would have been my anger (or 'red mist' as my grandad calls it) that would actually be the problem, so meeting that with an even angrier response is basically fighting fire with another fire covered in petrol and TNT. Not Good. I always want the end result to be that everything is okay and sorted, but meeting that with an absolute furious attitude just shows a dark side, not compassion. Sometimes things just don't work out but giving them a chance and treating a situation calmly with mean I am less worked up and so are the other parties involved. If more people wanted to work through things then the world would be a happier place, trust me on that one. 

I have to respect myself,

Everything happens for a reason and now I can't help thinking that I have been given this mental disease to help me become a better person. It's bringing out the calm in me as well as scaring the f**k out of me. I have to look after myself more these days and if I don't there will be consequences which will domino in effect. I need to have more respect for myself in that I don't let people confuse my being calm for not caring or letting them walk all over me, it's more about being more graceful and not letting them ruin my inner peace. Even though trust me it's difficult at times. 

If you have any other tips or any reasons you think would be related to these things happening then I'd love to hear them. We are all in this life together and we need to be nicer to each other.