It's been a rough old couple of days, weirdly filled with highs and lows, happiness and complete uncertainty. I keep seeing people saying how this year so far has felt so long and dragged out forever, but I just feel like time is running away from me and I can't get a handle on it. It seems that when you just about think you have your life sorted and everything in line for once, you get the biggest shock or the biggest spanner in the works that means you have to redo or re-think everything that you previously built. Especially when you're a control freak like me or always like to have a plan, that can feel just gut wrenching. I have been working so hard on myself and my mental health, making sure it's in check and that I can still communicate effectively whilst figuring out my emotions. But it's times like these when you really get to test how far you've come.
Are you really ready to let go or drastically change some aspects of your life? Or are you just comfortable in dealing with your emotions as long as nothing 'bad' happens?
I like to look for my good luck charms or into the positive things that happen when things get tough, but when it seems like there's no way out of a situation it becomes very difficult to hear, see or feel those forces that want you to so well, or the people telling you that everything will be okay. You start to rethink your choices or your passions or whatever it is that inevitably got you to this situation, because in the simplest of terms, life is a serious of choices and consequences with a little bit of luck or chance thrown in there too.
We all want to believe that something is set in stone or that we have it all figured out, that things won't change. But realistically that's just not true, and we have to adjust and move with the change while keeping ourselves in check or in tune at the same time. Sounds easier said than done though, even from someone studying psychology. We all try to self medicate or self help with TV, books, alcohol, food, exercise, shopping, whatever our 'drink of choice' but in the end all it comes down to is working out the best way to untangle the mess in our heads.
We don't ever know what the 'right' choice is or the best way to do things, we just have to go from our past experiences, the confidence we have in ourselves and take the leap and that's is scary as HELL. But getting stuck in a cycle of thinking nothing will work out is also it's own little prison that constructs the worst version of our minds. It's almost so sad it's funny, that all the plans we make and things we work towards or want to do can be completely torn down within minutes or days. So much so that we feel we have no control over anything. But all that we can control is our reactions and our actions, two very different things but both a conscious choice.
No one ever really knows how things will turn out or what's around the corner. But we have to somehow trust, that “Nothing good gets away”.
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